Frightening Women with the Fear of “Missing the Nest”

Warda Rashid

Written by Warda Rashid
Translated by Narmeen Othman Mohammad

Encouraging others to build a new life and to share life with the opposite sex is not illegitimate, in fact, it is one of the simplest responsibilities resting on the shoulders of every human being to care about those with whom we share existence and to guide them towards a dignified life. What is worrying, however, is that in our society, this goal is often pursued by exerting psychological pressure on young women. Such an approach diverts the guidance from its noble aim. Instead of gently encouraging women to take steps towards forming a family, they are often told that they must enter married life, otherwise they will eventually become “left behind” or “without a nest”.
When such words are directed at a young woman, they create a sense of fear and anxiety. A painful expression that is common in our society is the phrase: “Your mother will not remain with you forever.” Undoubtedly, this sorrowful sentence strikes deeply when a woman hears it; it hits her heart directly and intimately, reminding her that the person she loves most in life will one day leave this world. I do not believe there is a sharper blade than this sentence when it is unconsciously directed at women. Is it truly a divine rule that mothers must always pass away before their daughters? Certainly not. So why should we plant such groundless fear in women’s hearts?
Very often women are also warned that if they do not marry at the “right time”, they may never be able to have children, or that they might give birth to unhealthy offspring. Such warnings plunge many young women into a spiral of negative thinking. I have always believed that even a child who is not perfectly healthy can live a happier life if raised in a supportive family environment built on love and mutual understanding. Such a child may be far happier than a perfectly healthy one who grows up in a troubled household—one created out of compulsion and fear of the future rather than genuine choice.
There is no little doubt that the use of frightening language does nothing but create psychological distress. It also portrays marriage as if it were an obligatory process into which a person must enter, not because it may open the door to a calmer and more stable life, but as though—even if it were a prison—one had no choice but to crawl into its dark cells.
The purpose here is not to discourage anyone from the institution of marriage, rather, it is to change the way people are encouraged to consider it. Instead of using fear-laden expressions, we can employ empowering and positive language to convey the same idea. For example, we might say: if you enter into the experience of marriage, you may find yourself welcomed into a more fulfilling life; a sense of comfort and tranquillity may spread through your soul, sharing life with a good and worthy partner may well become the path through which many of your dreams come true.